The Story Of A Wannabe Giant
More about the Giant
Things To Do Before I’m 30.
Jan 14th
So, here I am, pondering my life again, deeply thinking about a lot of things that have happened recently and over the past few months, most of which are a great fuck up.I have decided to make a list of things that I want to achieve as soon as I can, preferably before I turn 30.
1) Myself and two friends are in the process of starting up a business, I have high hopes for it, it has so much potential to be successful and leave a mark, which I really want to happen. I know shit doesn’t happen over night, but I really want to work hard at this and make it happen.
2) Lose some weight, I know I said this is so cliché in a previous post, but fuck it, I need to lose a few, maybe that’s where some of my complex comes from from being tall. This will happen, soon.
3) Build my perfect house, I have it all planned out, it will be awesome. The garage especially, I might be setting my hopes a tad high here, especially if I want all this before I’m 30, but hey, what are dreams if they’re only mediocre? The house will be big, I’m not talking standard height doors and ceiling, oh no, fuck that, I’m huge, so want a huge house. The garage, this will be my pride and joy, I want to have it attached to the entertainment area / lounge with a glass wall. Picture this, three revolving stands, the middle one with a super hot, fuck off fast motor bike, which I won’t be riding, that’s just for show, then on either side of that, My everyday driving car, like a Lumina SS or a Shelby GT500, and on the other side, my race car, one that has been tweeked to perfection. All this complete with spot lights.
4) Holiday to exotic places, often. I am 25 and have never been out of South Africa. I want to see the world, sit on the beaches that you see in brochures, palm trees and all. I want to see the Eiffel Tower, Dubai, probably all the Asian countries and definitely Russia, just off the top of my head.
5) Do more crazy outrageous things, things that would probably make me shit myself and make my life flash before my eyes, which would probably be a lot of things, since I’m such a girl. I was thinking about adding bungee jumping to this, but.. after just watching a video on youtube where the cord came off the guys feet and he face planted into a dam, I think I’m gonna scratch that one off.
6) Take up a hobby and stick to it, properly. The last hobby I had was World Of Warcraft, which, I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed thoroughly, but it just got too much. I was a giant hobbit, didn’t move from my PC at all over weekends, and when I really had to go out and be sociable, I didn’t enjoy it most of the time. I’m really not sure what I’d like to do though, but definitely something that’s interactive and fun.. like.. World Of Warcraft.. Fuck. I need some ideas 
7) Leave my mark, something I, and other people can look back on for a long time to come, dunno though, maybe punch someone really famous in the face, or get involved in a high speed pursuit, kill a shark with my bare hands, balance 400 glasses on my head, I’ll have to think about this one. Preferably something that won’t get me locked up and sodomised on a daily basis.
8 ) Marriage and kids, It’s weird how times have changed, back in the day, people were married and pushing out babies by the age of 18, which is cool, if you’re financially stable and know that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that person. I don’t want to be the 50 odd year old taking his kids to school though.
9) I said in a previous post that I want to cut down on smoking, which I really do, but also eventually stop, I’m tired of coughing up lungs, spending metric fucktons of money each month on smokes and getting winded easily.
10) Take up dancing, a few of you who really know me, know I don’t dance, ever, I don’t even remember the last time I danced, even when I was by myself. I have two left feet, and they’re big feet at that, its just never been my thing, but I reckon learning some cool latin / salsa etc would be a blast, also, I wouldn’t be the weird guy sitting at the bar or table just watching
The End.
New Years Resolutions.
Dec 29th
So, I’m not really into this whole resolution thing, don’t really know why, maybe it’s cause I’m lazy, maybe cause it’s just another day / year, however you look at it, it has never really bothered me. So I thought I would give it a bash, and see how much shit I could come up with and actually achieve at the same time. Here goes.
1) Fuck sakes. Been sitting here staring at my screen for 30 min, maybe my first one should be “Wake up and realize what I want”
2) As much as it bugs me, get over the whole being tall issue and people commenting and staring..
3) Is this cliche? Weight loss? Oh well, we will see.
4) Be able to buy my dream car, hold on to your seats! I’ve set my standards high for this one, A Chevi Lumina SS! BAM! That’s all I want out of a car, I’d beat a rabi to death with a pork chop for one of those.
6) Cut down on my smoking, not quit, just cut down.
7) Blog more.
8 ) Switch to Coke Lite instead of regular.
9) Lean Learn how to count.
10) Learn how to spell.
11) Get a particular business up and running, make it work, make it successfull, live the life I want to. (That counts as 4)
15) Start going to gym.. That’s a tough one. Will have to really think about it.
16) Cut down on the junk food.. But how junk is it really? I mean, meat, GOOD! Lettuce, GOOD! Tomato, GOOD! MC D’s can’t be all that bad, right?
17) Start driving like regular folk, I love speed but don’t get me wrong, I don’t drive like an idiot during heavy traffic or where little kids are playing in the street, most days.
18) Get into a healthy sleep routine, 4 – 5 hours a day can’t be good for you.
19) Stop procrastinating, it’s always easier to do shit the next day / week / never. I’m sure future me hates me for doing it.
20) Take time to chill out, sit outside, smell the roses and enjoy the simple things and stop taking most things for granted. (That’s another five)
25) I’m bored of this. Good night.
The End
Being Tall
Sep 24th
So, I’m about 7 foot or so, and HATE it. You must be thinking I’m an idiot for saying this, everyone does. “Oooh it must be awesome being so tall!” You know what? It’s not. Try sleeping with your legs hanging off the end of the bed, not feet, LEGS! And trying to sleep in Winter when your king size duvet only covers you up to your shins! You either have cold legs, or cold shoulder / head. Do you know how many times I’ve hit my head on doorways? I don’t, because it has happened so many times, either that or I am suffering from memory loss because of it. Driving cars, what a mission that is. I’ve moved the seat rails back in my car, and fitted a smaller steering wheel, when I got the car, I couldn’t drive it in 5th gear because the tree stump that is my leg, was in the way, I also couldn’t put the windscreen wipers on full because my knee would always be in the way! You know what a cramp it is not having enough head room in a car aswell! Picture Shrek sitting at a little kids table, on those tiny chairs meant for 3 year old kids, yup, that’s me driving most cars!
The jokes some of you people come up with are so damn pathetic aswell. You think it’s funny, I think you’re retarded. I’ve heard them all, over and over. Maybe you’ll find out what the weather is like up here one day when you grow the fuck up. No I don’t play basketball or rugby, and I don’t plan on it either. No, milk doesn’t get sour by the time it reaches my stomach. I remember a while back, I was walking through Lakeside Mall with my mother, when this tree of a man walked up to me and very politely asked me if I played rugby, I was having a bad day as it was, and wasn’t in the mood for shit like this. I snapped back at him saying “No I don’t! I hate it! And I wish people would stop asking me that!” He didn’t say much, his face said it all. I stormed off in a huff mumbling to myself about what had just happened, my mother finally caught up to me and said “Do you have any idea who that was?!” I just shook my head and said no, she then told me that it was Kobus Wiese! I laughed about that for a while, I honestly didn’t know.
If you know me, you’ll know I hate tall comments, and people staring, it bugs the shit out of me! Kudos to Rebecca for this one, we were at Eastrand Mall a few weeks ago, walking out of clicks when this young, innocent looking promotional girl looks up at me and says “Oh my god you’re tall!” I’m thinking, oh God, not again. Rebecca, without thinking, throws her arm around me and says “Yes he is! And I love it! It turns me on!” and off we went. That was truly epic, I still laugh about it when I think about it. Another thing that bugs me about this whole being tall thing (but not as much anymore) is, I’m not a tall skinny person, I have meat on my bones, I love food and I do eat allot! But what the fuck has that got to do with you? Especially if I don’t know you from a bar of soap! Buffets are the worst, you already stared and gawked at me when I almost hit my head on the doorway coming into the restaurant, now you want to stare when I dish up my food aswell? “Hey love! Look at that guy and how much he is eating” *snigger snigger* Fuck you, I don’t judge you cause you’re balding, or ’cause your stomach is hanging on the floor, or because your wife has a bigger moustache than you do. Get over it already.
Being tall, I also have huge feet. Size 17, I reckon the average person could use my shoes to go skiing in, or at least, make a decent home for a family of rats. I’ve also heard all the big feet jokes, that doesn’t bug me as much though. The thing that does, is, how hard it is to find shoes around Joburg! Surely I am not the only person with big feet? The last three times I have bought shoes, I have got them from a charro shop at the Sanlam centre in Pinetown! That’s a fucking long way to drive for shoes. Where do all the other giants in and around Joburg get their shoes from? Is there some sort of tall person union I don’t know about?
Next time you see a giant walking around at a shopping centre, or where ever it might be, don’t gawk or pass comments, rather, run up to him / her and give them a hug and fondle them a bit, I know I’d appreciate that more than some childish comment that isn’t funny.
P.S – This post was inspired by@LisaTroy
Moments In My Life I’ll Never Forget.
Sep 13th
So, Just a few, whether they’re good memories or bad ones, I will never forget them.
Craig somehow, after a very, very drunk night partying away at various different night clubs in Boksburg, managed to get his tongue pierced in the early hours of the morning. Now, this had to have been some dodge back alley piercing, I mean, who the fuck has a piercing shop open after 1am on a Friday night? I don’t remember much from that night, but from what I can recall, Craig drunkenly said he wanted to go to a garage and get some chow, that was the last we saw of him that night, the next day I was sitting at East Rand Mall with a mate having a hangover breakfast of note, when Craig walked past and came in to say howzit, it was more of a howthit though. He didn’t remember who / why or how it happened, but he had it done, and still has it.
Meeting @Shebeegee For the first time. We had been speaking on Twitter for ages, while she was still up in Dirtbin, and had agreed to drinks when she was up here in Jozi. The night finally came for the meet. Firstly, it took me almost 2 hours to get from Benoni to her pad, near Haarties, simply ’cause she is kak with directions. That aside, the evening went well, we got along fine, she wasn’t a crazy person who wanted to chop me up into little pieces and feed me to the farm animals. At the end of the night when I was going to leave, we discovered that I was parked in.. Being the crazy chick that she is, Sheena broke into the neighbours house through their bedroom window, while they were sleeping, took the car keys off their fucking bedside table, while they were sleeping, and snuck out. I still reckon she should have fucked with them a little bit, left a note, took a photo, moved stuff around or even climbed into bed with them. She moved their car and I was on my way.
One night we were at Tequila Rock, a club in Boksburg. As usual, we were all pretty much pissed. With me, most of the time when I get drink, I get louder, and talk with my hands, well, that night I was speaking loudly, and hit some poor blokes drink into his mouth while he was taking a sip. If you know me, you’ll know I don’t really like fighting, so being the gentle giant I am, wanted to talk my way out of a confrontation, which in the beginning didn’t work out to well, for one I was really drunk, so most of the kak that was coming out of my mouth probably didn’t make sense, and the other thing, it was pigs night, free drinks, and I told the guy to calm down and let me buy him a drink. Oh well. When this happened, I was by myself, everyone was scattered around the club, and this guy was rambling off how he was going to fuck me up, next thing I know, everyone of my friends that were there, some how got that tingly feeling that something was wrong and all of sudden were standing behind me, we’re all big fellas, and there were allot of us. That was the end of that, I went and slept it off in the car.
Nicholas one night, also at Tequila Rock, got so so so SO fucking smashed he couldn’t walk properly, let alone talk. He decided he was going to sleep off his drunkardness in Craigs car. I don’t know how he planned on doing this because he didn’t have the keys to the car, but he was drunk, he knew what he was doing! So he found the nearest white Toyota Corolla and passed out on the bonnet. It wasn’t Craigs car.
Nicholas at his 16th Birthday. This is probably one the fondest memories I have of him. His mothers boss bought him a blow up doll as a joke. Nick was absolutely smashed, I remember walking around the side of the house to take a leak, and there was Nick, standing next to a tree, I still don’t know how he pulled this off, but he did, beer in one hand, Suzie snug under his arm, him taking a wizz.. That was a sight to see, but it wasn’t enough, oh no. While still holding the beer and Suzie, and his Peepee half hanging out his pants, he climbed over the wall and ran down the street screaming how drunk he was and that Suzie was his bitch, and that he was indeed going to fuck her that night. This was probably around 12 oclock at night, A few of the neighbours came outside to see what the commotion was about, I just stayed behind the wall, beer in hand, laughing my arse off.
The day my mother found out that I smoked. This is all my brothers fault, the bastard. It was years ago, I was still in high school and I owed him money for something. I didn’t have a job so relied on pocket money for everything, which wasn’t much. Anyways, we got into a decent argument about it, lots of yelling and stomping around the house, I said to him, “I will pay you, I just can’t afford to right now” His response? “You can’t afford to pay me but you can afford to fucking smoke” My heart skipped a beat, my jaw hit the floor and my mother came storming out of her room. I don’t think I have EVER felt so kak in my life before. It hurts so much more when parents pull the whole “I’m disappointed” card.
This is it for now, I will update this again at a later stage
More about me
Sep 11th
So, my names Richard and I’m an alcoholic, No wait, I’m a giant, 24 years old, living in Benoni. This blogging thing is new to me, so I guess I’ll just ramble on about things that interest & irritate me, people I love and maybe, just maybe, the ones I dislike.
I used to be a avid gamer, and by avid, I mean an addict and by addict I mean spending 9+ hours a day in front of my PC playing World Of Warcraft, weekends would be a helluva lot more than that, I think the only times I would get up would be to pee / eat or power nap. I’m so over that now, thankfully, it was a big wake-up call realizing I had sat in front of my PC for almost a full year, non stop, playing the same game. I have seen the light at the end of the social tunnel, and am REALLY enjoying it.
The earlier days – I was expelled from High school in Grade 9 (Std 7) for fighting, well, that’s what the principal called it, I still stand by my story, I pushed him, he fell over his own feet and his head broke his fall on a wall. I really do miss the old days at school, how awesome was it hanging out with your friends all day and having fuck all responsibilities? And if you were like me, not doing home work, after hanging out with your friends at school, we’d still go out afterwards to cause more mayhem. The shit I could tell you about what we got up to, Spray painting streets, stealing stop signs, shooting ice cream trucks with paintball guns, going joy riding, getting pissed, smoking weed, playing with huge fuckoff big fire crackers, blowing up random peoples post boxes, almost burning down a tree, falling out of a tree, passing out half naked, pissed, in a bath with the water running, skelem smoking and shop lifting. Good God, I could go on forever, more of that laters though, for now, I’ll still stick to more about me.
After I was expelled I went to hotel school, I always wanted to be a chef, ever since I could remember I was always helping out in the kitchen and cooking when ever I got the chance, I loved it! Hotel school was okay, small classes, crazy people, crazier teachers. We did allot of fucking around, it was still school, so we didn’t have the freedom of say, a college, where we could come & go as we pleased, couldn’t smoke etc etc. That didn’t stop us though, I remember bunking classes and sitting inside the hotel fridges, eating ice-cream and smoking. After the whole hotel school thing, I had the best intentions of trying to find a job right away, as soon as the holidays were over and I had had my fun.. which didn’t happen, I loafed around for probably a year or so before the parents got gatvol and made me find a job. I managed to find some temp job, working in the evenings doing embroidery on shirts and caps, that lasted a whole of 1 week or 2 at the max. I was then given a job in Currys Post, just outside Maritzburg as an apprentice chef, which was THE worst experience of my life! The hours were utter shit, the pay was worse and to top it off, the room I was living in was so small I could touch both sides of the room if I stretched my arms out. It was in the middle of nowhere, the only things we did after hours to keep ourselves amused was smoke weed, and allot of it. I worked there for about 4 months before packing up and heading home, I didn’t even give notice, I just said “I’m leaving” packed up my crap and left the next day, fuck them. That put me off wanting to be a chef, I will never do it again as a profession.
I came back to Jozi, and fucked around some more, saying I was looking for work and going for “interviews” all the while spending that time at friends houses playing games and drinking copious amounts of booze. I eventually got a job through a friend, which is where I’m still working, I wont get into that just yet, too much to talk about.
I’m tired and frankly can’t think of anything more to say. Stay posted 
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