Soooo, it’s been to long since I last blogged, partially ’cause I got bored of it, and didn’t feel like sharing anything, that’s how I am, I bottle things up.

First lets start out with a rant, I don’t like these new groups on Facebook that are popping up all over the fucking place where you you have to do a bunch of things before you can see the content of the group. First you have to “Like” the group, then invite your friends, then do one of three quizzes and then send in cock shots to the admin to be approved to join the group, and most of the time it is about the most retarded things ever. However, I came across one a few days ago which really, really, fucked me off, I can’t remember the full name, but it was about a kid that died from abuse, why the fuck would you make people LIKE that group before they can join it? “Oh hell yeah! Another kid just died ’cause the parents are fucking angry retards with issues, could my day get any better?!” Get a fucking life.  There should be a group for that tard called “Man gets sodomized by big bubba for making retarded Facebook group and forcing people to like it” I would actually like that.

SEACOM – You mother fuckers, I hate you, so much. This was supposed to change the way South Africa saw Internet. We’re lucky if we get a weeks Internet at the speeds we should, how can you have so many fucking problems after each other. You suck, that’s all I’m saying.

Rant over.

I found out today that an EX (well, sort of) got engaged, we haven’t seen each other in a long time, and don’t speak often, I don’t know why, but it made me bleak. At the time, we both liked each other, a lot,  but wanted different things, or some shit like that. I don’t know why I’m bothered about it, most likely because other people are moving on with their lives so quickly and I’m not, and to put the cherry on top, I got in contact with a different EX last week, from years ago, the one that got away sort of thing, and she is now married and happy, I can see now why we broke up, I was a complete tool back then, just out of school, didn’t know what I wanted and other things, silly small things, were more important.

Anyhoo, I’m getting bored of this now, will attempt another post soon

The end. *lick*

Yes kids, it’s that time again, where I get my  jollies off by bitching and moaning about the retard-idly stupid things I’ve seen people do. If you’re sensitive to swearing, religion or just don’t have plain logic, don’t read this, leave now, go!

First, I want to start off by saying that if you’re the type of person who has status messages on Facebook that are indirectly aimed at someone you hate, like, love, lust, you’re a jackass, no one gives a shit. Tell that person flat out what you think about them, if it’s bad, don’t do it on Facebook, no one wants to see your petty squabbles about that guy who didn’t call you back, or that girl who doesn’t like giving head. Fuck sakes.

Religion, touchy subject for some, but this is my blog, so I don’t give a shit, Like I said before, if you’re sensitive about stuff like this and are going to bitch and leave bible punching comments, leave now. I have noticed so many status messages about “If you love Jesus and go to church four times a week, repost this” or “73% of people won’t repost this message, if you love God, you will!” Blah blah blah, it’s annoying.

Now for me to really get my rant on.

How fucking dumb do you have to be, to actually believe that if you join this group “Get *yor* free laptop now with free shipping *guarenteed*” That you will actually get a free fucking laptop? Not only is Facebook advertising to all your friends bad enough, no, you will still send out invites to every single one of your friends, showing them what a complete toss you are! Why the fuck not? You’re getting a free laptop after all!

The next fantastic group I saw people joining in the masses was “Know who is viewing your profile 24/7″ Now, after you join the group and read their pathetic instructions on how they will ONLY send you a link to the application once 50% of your friends have joined, surely that’s enough to tell it’s not legit? No? Okay, you believe them, so you send invites out to all your friends, advertise the group on your status message and try to get as many people to join as you can. Instead of doing that, why not read some of the thousands of posts on the groups wall, where almost everyone is saying it is a scam and doesn’t work? Cause you’re too damn busy reading other people’s religious status messages and wondering when you’re going to get your free laptop. It’s just a fucking ploy to get as many people to join the group, that’s it.

Facebook Quizzes, Oh my fuck! Sure they might be fun to do, by yourself, I don’t, and I don’t think anyone else gives a flying fuck which smurf you are, what age you’re going to die at, how you’re going to die, if you’re going to have a faithful marriage, how many fucking kids you’re going to have, what your best sexual position is or what fucking car you’d transform into if you could. It’s fucking annoying.

The end.

So, I’ve been out of a job for the past month or so, as much as I *love* sitting around at home doing nothing all day, I don’t, I hate it, it sometimes drives me to the point where I’m so bored, I irritate myself, and get angry ’cause I have nothing to do. I’ve sent my CV out to a bunch of places already, but I think it is a really shitty time of the year to be looking for work. Fuck. I went for an interview last week at an insurance company in Sandton, What a waste of time, I firstly had to fill out these stupid forms while sitting on a stupid couch chair thingy, that was so low to the ground my knees where behind my fucking head. This form was so pointless, I had to finish off sentences like “My family…” and “I get angry when…” etc etc, I get angry when I have to fill out pointless forms like this while sitting on your stupid tiny chair, It looks like I’m in some cheap porno and I’m waiting to get reamed by the tiny Chinese dude running around giving everyone massages. I kid you not, they call him Mister Miyagi, he is there as an incentive.. Anyhoo, after that I went through to Rebecca’s work and we had lunch together, that was nice, then got stuck in God awful traffic on the way home.

Traffic, OH MY FUCK, who ever is in charge in fixing up the roads for 2010 is a complete toss. Let me start by telling you about Great North, a road I drove every day for about 5 years to and from work, it was the best road ever, 2 lanes going each way, from Benoni all the way into Kempton Park, I have so many fond memories of that road, Craig and I driving down that road next to each other, in peak traffic, doing 40 kays an hour, pissing everyone off, plenty of races down that road too. Then, last year December someone thought it would be a great idea to change the two lanes into three lanes, they worked on the third lane for months and months, until finally, they opened it, it looked so smooth, so awesome, I doubt I will ever forget the first day I got to test the new lane out, not because it was a great drive, and there was less traffic, oh no, not with the cunts that built that road, at one point, I actually thought I was going to roll my car it was so bumpy. I hate that lane now, and I never drive in it, but that’s not the end, they weren’t happy with just fucking up one lane, over the next few months they thought it would be a good idea to fuck up the other two lanes too, I don’t know why they thought it was necessary, the third lane joined just fine, there wasn’t a pavement you had to climb to get on or off it.

The Highway, grrr! What the fuck is the point in closing off two lanes of highway for 10 kays, if you’re not going to be doing ANY fucking work there? It took me over three fucking hours to drive 69 kays on Saturday, the highway under William Nicol was closed for road works too, so 40 million cars were crammed into 2 lanes on the offramp, where the robots were not working. There was, I’m sure, very *qualified* people directing traffic, but not really, I saw two accidents almost happen because the assholes were just waving their arms around like retards. If you’re going to be doing roadworks for months and months, at least hire people that are actually qualified to do it.

I just realised I left my toothbrush at Rebecca’s house this morning, fuck, now I have to use a R2 one that is more than likely going to make me bleed. Also, I’m smoking the cheapest smokes ever, if I ever had to guess what shit tasted like, this would be it. I also threw my cousin into the swimming pool today, fully dressed, that made me chuckle, he is such a good sport when it comes to things like that.

Now, here’s a question for you, if you had R100k to start up a business, what would you do? I know it’s not a lot, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, I reckon a brothel would be great for 2010, but then again, how long is that going to last? Heh. I honestly have no idea. Suggestions people!

I’ve been meaning to blog for the past 2 weeks, have had so many ideas, but now, I don’t, most of them went flying out the window the minute I sat down, so, what ever.

The End. *lick*

So, for the past two days, I’ve been going through a wad of CV’s for upcoming work regarding a certain cellular network. We have really had lots of them sent through, and I’ve actually been quite disappointed with most of them. In my eyes, your CV is supposed to be at least one thing you really take pride in, making it look good, making sure there are no spelling mistakes, being positive about yourself and previous employment. Not a fuck. Out of the pile that I have, I’ve set three aside.

Here are a few things that really put me off the others.

The first one that  came through looked OK, with the pretty font that she used to type Curriculum Vitae, then I turned the page and started reading. First line? “Personall Data” Lets look past that one shall we. Three lines down, “Martial status – Singel” <— I shit you not. Two lines down, “Drivers Licence” Her home language is English, and she spells “better” – “Beter” She is a hard worker, well disiplined and believes through hard work you can achieve sucess.

The next one, everything on the first two pages was great, no spelling mistakes, until the “More about me” section came, this is it, word for word – “generel strenghts: im hard working responsible disciplined self motivated like to encourage team work and people orintated” No punctuation what_so_fucking_ever. Looks like the whole CV was copied and she just added in the last bit herself.

The next one. I’m just going to point out spelling mistakes on this two page CV. Personell, curiculum, home adress, cellphons, ocupation, school atended, work experiance, possition held, refferances.

This one, I didn’t actually read, I binned it after reading “Ciriculum Vtae” So, for shits and giggles, I went digging in the bin this morning to have another look at it.. It should have stayed there, I got my hands grubby for nothing. Titel, surnam, dependants, standerd, instittution, coarse (as in course) liquedated.

On of the CV’s that irritated me the most was the negativity in it, reasons for leaving his previous job was “I didn’t like my boss and we didn’t get along with each other” It might just be me, but, I would never put something like that on my CV, ever, what do you think?

There are a few others, but I’m not going through them again just to point out bad grammar. Someone on Twitter put forward a good point, and asked what would happen if the CV’s were in the persons first language? I’m not trying to be racist in this post in anyway, I know what you’re trying to say, but still, is it so hard to use a spell checker? And read through what ever bullshit you have written before you send it out, better yet, read the entire thing backwards, I find that helps so much more for picking out spelling mistakes, or if you’re too lazy to do that, have someone else proof read it for you.

Like I said in a previous post, if you’re writing a letter to someone, at least put some effort into it. A CV? Put even more effort into it, sell yourself, make who ever is reading it want to meet and interview you! Out of all the CV’s that came in yesterday, I’m only putting three of them forward.

So, I’m about 7 foot or so, and HATE it. You must be thinking I’m an idiot for saying this, everyone does. “Oooh it must be awesome being so tall!” You know what? It’s not. Try sleeping with your legs hanging off the end of the bed, not feet, LEGS! And trying to sleep in Winter when your king size duvet only covers you up to your shins! You either have cold legs, or cold shoulder / head. Do you know how many times I’ve hit my head on doorways? I don’t, because it has happened so many times, either that or I am suffering from memory loss because of it. Driving cars, what a mission that is. I’ve moved the seat rails back in my car, and fitted a smaller steering wheel, when I got the car, I couldn’t drive it in 5th gear because the tree stump that is my leg, was in the way, I also couldn’t put the windscreen wipers on full because my knee would always be in the way! You know what a cramp it is not having enough head room in a car aswell! Picture Shrek sitting at a little kids table, on those tiny chairs meant for 3 year old kids, yup, that’s me driving most cars!

The jokes some of you people come up with are so damn pathetic aswell. You think it’s funny, I think you’re retarded. I’ve heard them all, over and over. Maybe you’ll find out what the weather is like up here one day when you grow the fuck up. No I don’t play basketball or rugby, and I don’t plan on it either. No, milk doesn’t get sour by the time it reaches my stomach. I remember a while back, I was walking through Lakeside Mall with my mother, when this tree of a man walked up to me and very politely asked me if I played rugby, I was having a bad day as it was, and wasn’t in the mood for shit like this. I snapped back at him saying “No I don’t! I hate it! And I wish people would stop asking me that!” He didn’t say much, his face said it all. I stormed off in a huff mumbling to myself about what had just happened, my mother finally caught up to me and said “Do you have any idea who that was?!” I just shook my head and said no, she then told me that it was Kobus Wiese! I laughed about that for a while, I honestly didn’t know.

If you know me, you’ll know I hate tall comments, and people staring, it bugs the shit out of me! Kudos to Rebecca for this one, we were at Eastrand Mall a few weeks ago, walking out of clicks when this young, innocent looking promotional girl looks up at me and says “Oh my god you’re tall!” I’m thinking, oh God, not again. Rebecca, without thinking, throws her arm around me and says “Yes he is! And I love it! It turns me on!” and off we went. That was truly epic, I still laugh about it when I think about it. Another thing that bugs me about this whole being tall thing (but not as much anymore) is, I’m not a tall skinny person, I have meat on my bones, I love food and I do eat allot! But what the fuck has that got to do with you? Especially if I don’t know you from a bar of soap! Buffets are the worst, you already stared and gawked at me when I almost hit my head on the doorway coming into the restaurant, now you want to stare when I dish up my food aswell? “Hey love! Look at that guy and how much he is eating” *snigger snigger* Fuck you, I don’t judge you cause you’re balding, or ’cause your stomach is hanging on the floor, or because your wife has a bigger moustache than you do. Get over it already.

Being tall, I also have huge feet. Size 17, I reckon the average person could use my shoes to go skiing in, or at least, make a decent home for a family of rats. I’ve also heard all the big feet jokes, that doesn’t bug me as much though. The thing that does, is, how hard it is to find shoes around Joburg! Surely I am not the only person with big feet? The last three times I have bought shoes, I have got them from a charro shop at the Sanlam centre in Pinetown! That’s a fucking long way to drive for shoes. Where do all the other giants in and around Joburg get their shoes from? Is there some sort of tall person union I don’t know about?

Next time you see a giant walking around at a shopping centre, or where ever it might be, don’t gawk or pass comments, rather, run up to him / her and give them a hug and fondle them a bit, I know I’d appreciate that more than some childish comment that isn’t funny.

P.S – This post was inspired by@LisaTroy

So, a few that really get on my tits.

1. Woman abuse. If you beat your woman and you’re reading this, fuck you, you deserve to be dragged out into the street and shot in public. Are you compensating for something perhaps? Tell me how the fuck  you raise your hand to a lady? What drives you to do it? Punch a wall rather, or better yet, have wild angry sex with your partner.

2. Beggars at robots. Oh Em Gee, if you can stand for hours on end at a robot bugging people for money, you sure as hell can stand in checkers for hours on end packing packets. Now, I understand there are a few people that can’t, I have my very own little hobo I give money / food to when ever I can, BUT, he was disfigured in a fire, has 2 fingers and half a face. If you’re not like that, then fuck you. Also, woman who sit at the robot, and send their little toddlers to cars to ask for money.. Next time I’m calling child services, you’re a bad mother, and once again, fuck you.

3. People who don’t live in South Africa. This has happened to me SO many times before, Chatting to someone online and mention that I’m from SA. The first response out of their mouths? “Do you have lions walking around your house?” Or “Are you black” “Do you live in a hut?” Do me a favour! Get a fucking education! Is it so difficult to comprehend that we do in fact live in proper houses? And have big cities with big buildings? Asshole.

4. Constantly SmS’ng me. Sure I love being SmS’d, by different people, everyone does. If you send me a SmS asking how I am, and I reply with Great! Doing good! Fan-Fucking-Tastic or okay – Don’t SmS me again  10 minutes later asking me the same damn question, I was fine 10 minutes ago, and guess what? I’m still fine now

5. Nosey people. It takes allot for me to talk to someone if I’m really having problems with something, I bottle things up most of the time, that’s just the way I am. If I don’t want to talk to you about a particular subject, that means I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT. Leave it alone, don’t keep prying and digging for answers, the reason I don’t want to talk to you about it is because I’m probably not comfortable enough with you. Or, it has fuck all to do with you. Point. Get over it.

6. Crime. What the fuck has this country come to when burglar bars are the biggest selling point of a house? Or the height of the wall and if it has spikes or electric fencing on it. If you’re somehow reading this, and you’re a criminal and break into houses, do me favour? Die. That is all.

7. Our SAPS. I’m going to try keep it clean and short, but why the fuck can a police man / woman not shoot someone after  a warning shot? Why the hell can’t I shoot someone who has broken into my house? How the fuck do people get more time in prison for stealing / selling drugs than murder? How does a burglar end up suing a woman, after HE broke into her house, by falling through her skylight and breaking his leg, and winning the case?  I say an eye for an eye, bring back the death penalty, and get rid of the bad weeds. Fuck you government with your stupidly retarded rules ..|..

8. Typing.  l337 5p34k p15535 m3 0ff, SmS tlk pisses me off, I understand that you’re limited to 140 characters on Twitter, that’s cool, I’ll let it slide. If you’re writing an email or some bullshit on Facebook that no one cares about, at least type properly, you’re not limited to the amount of characters you can use, so abuse it. Don’t be scared of spending an extra 5 minutes writing that love letter to that person you’re stalking.

9. Slow walking people. Again, I will let this slide if you’re A) Old or B) have some sort of disability, if you’re in a  shopping mall, walk faster! I want to punch people like you in the back of the head. Rather enjoy that slow stroll with a loved one in a park or on the beach. People have places to go and things to do, get the fuck out the way.

10. Driving. This is the one thing that really, really gets to me, and gives me road rage. People can vouch for this. Idiot drivers, If you’re planning on changing lanes.. Check your God damn mirrors, don’t just ASSUME there is a gap and take it. Don’t Ride up my arse, if you do, you WILL end up like the last asshole that did, I slammed on breaks and he mounted a pavement to avoid hitting me. Shame, his poor Navara needed two new tyres. If the robot is green, DRIVE. If there’s an accident and you don’t plan on stopping to help, move the fuck along,there is nothing worse than people holding up traffic even more just because they want to look at the poor person who had the misfortune of being in an accident. Taxis, I just *love* the way you pull over where ever the hell you deem necessary to drop or pick people off / up. If I had a license to kill stupid people, you’d be the first to go.