So, I’m about 7 foot or so, and HATE it. You must be thinking I’m an idiot for saying this, everyone does. “Oooh it must be awesome being so tall!” You know what? It’s not. Try sleeping with your legs hanging off the end of the bed, not feet, LEGS! And trying to sleep in Winter when your king size duvet only covers you up to your shins! You either have cold legs, or cold shoulder / head. Do you know how many times I’ve hit my head on doorways? I don’t, because it has happened so many times, either that or I am suffering from memory loss because of it. Driving cars, what a mission that is. I’ve moved the seat rails back in my car, and fitted a smaller steering wheel, when I got the car, I couldn’t drive it in 5th gear because the tree stump that is my leg, was in the way, I also couldn’t put the windscreen wipers on full because my knee would always be in the way! You know what a cramp it is not having enough head room in a car aswell! Picture Shrek sitting at a little kids table, on those tiny chairs meant for 3 year old kids, yup, that’s me driving most cars!

The jokes some of you people come up with are so damn pathetic aswell. You think it’s funny, I think you’re retarded. I’ve heard them all, over and over. Maybe you’ll find out what the weather is like up here one day when you grow the fuck up. No I don’t play basketball or rugby, and I don’t plan on it either. No, milk doesn’t get sour by the time it reaches my stomach. I remember a while back, I was walking through Lakeside Mall with my mother, when this tree of a man walked up to me and very politely asked me if I played rugby, I was having a bad day as it was, and wasn’t in the mood for shit like this. I snapped back at him saying “No I don’t! I hate it! And I wish people would stop asking me that!” He didn’t say much, his face said it all. I stormed off in a huff mumbling to myself about what had just happened, my mother finally caught up to me and said “Do you have any idea who that was?!” I just shook my head and said no, she then told me that it was Kobus Wiese! I laughed about that for a while, I honestly didn’t know.

If you know me, you’ll know I hate tall comments, and people staring, it bugs the shit out of me! Kudos to Rebecca for this one, we were at Eastrand Mall a few weeks ago, walking out of clicks when this young, innocent looking promotional girl looks up at me and says “Oh my god you’re tall!” I’m thinking, oh God, not again. Rebecca, without thinking, throws her arm around me and says “Yes he is! And I love it! It turns me on!” and off we went. That was truly epic, I still laugh about it when I think about it. Another thing that bugs me about this whole being tall thing (but not as much anymore) is, I’m not a tall skinny person, I have meat on my bones, I love food and I do eat allot! But what the fuck has that got to do with you? Especially if I don’t know you from a bar of soap! Buffets are the worst, you already stared and gawked at me when I almost hit my head on the doorway coming into the restaurant, now you want to stare when I dish up my food aswell? “Hey love! Look at that guy and how much he is eating” *snigger snigger* Fuck you, I don’t judge you cause you’re balding, or ’cause your stomach is hanging on the floor, or because your wife has a bigger moustache than you do. Get over it already.

Being tall, I also have huge feet. Size 17, I reckon the average person could use my shoes to go skiing in, or at least, make a decent home for a family of rats. I’ve also heard all the big feet jokes, that doesn’t bug me as much though. The thing that does, is, how hard it is to find shoes around Joburg! Surely I am not the only person with big feet? The last three times I have bought shoes, I have got them from a charro shop at the Sanlam centre in Pinetown! That’s a fucking long way to drive for shoes. Where do all the other giants in and around Joburg get their shoes from? Is there some sort of tall person union I don’t know about?

Next time you see a giant walking around at a shopping centre, or where ever it might be, don’t gawk or pass comments, rather, run up to him / her and give them a hug and fondle them a bit, I know I’d appreciate that more than some childish comment that isn’t funny.

P.S – This post was inspired by@LisaTroy

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